It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize