i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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