I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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