When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize