Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
worst night to have a conscience
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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