Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
do nipples grow back?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
