he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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