I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
