Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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