yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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