I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize