I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
