he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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