Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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