Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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