At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
