I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
