When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
