I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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