Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
