wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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