I hate your face
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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