ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
