I just saw a hot homeless man
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
