Ambien. No doubt about it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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