weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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