My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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