So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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