feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish my penis had a tongue
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
