saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
