We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
