Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
