So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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