And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
