Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
