I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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