I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
