this beer tastes like vomit already
she looked like the before picture.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
