I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
