is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I died a long time ago.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize