I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
