In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
