it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
