I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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