i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize