I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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