i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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