I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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