In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
