He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
