he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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