I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
