Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
