Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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