and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
