Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
