my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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