A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
