I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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