I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
