he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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