Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
