the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
