yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
