I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize