well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
