No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
