At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
