I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
