i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
