Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize