ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
