Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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