wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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